When Mother’s Day Hurts
For children who have been removed from their birth families due to abuse or neglect, emotions around Mother’s Day can be incredibly complex. Some may still long for the mother they are unable to be with, despite the harm they may have endured. Others may feel anger, confusion, or even numbness, struggling to make sense of what “mother” means to them.
For those who have suffered trauma, their sensitivities are often heightened. Loud voices, sudden changes, or feelings of uncertainty can trigger fear or withdrawal. Even in a safe and loving foster home, past experiences may make it difficult for them to trust, express their emotions, or accept comfort.
Supporting a Child with Trauma on Mother’s Day
The important thing is to acknowledge a childs feelings
Let them know it’s okay to talk about their mum, to miss her, and even to feel confused.
Children may feel conflicting emotions—grief, anger, guilt, or even relief. Let them know that whatever they are feeling is okay. A simple, “I know today might be hard for you. I’m here if you want to talk,” can provide comfort.
Create Space for Healing and Expression
Some children may want to talk about their birth mother, while others may not. Offer options like drawing, journaling, or even writing a letter (whether they send it or not). This allows them to process their emotions in a way that feels safe.
Reassure Them That Love Can Be Safe
For children who have been hurt by a parent or caregiver, love can feel dangerous. They may push away those who care for them because they are afraid of being hurt again. Consistent, patient love—without pressure or expectations—helps them learn that love can be safe.
Recognise Trauma Responses
Children who have experienced neglect or abuse may have big reactions to small things. Mother’s Day might trigger emotional outbursts, withdrawal, nightmares, or acting out. We encourage everyone to see behaviour as a communication of what is being felt, and recommend responding with empathy and curiosity “I feel that you might be struggling today. I’m here for you.”
A Mother’s Love, in All Its Forms
To the foster mothers, kinship caregivers, and all those who step in to provide love where there was once loss—you are a light in the darkness. You may not be able to erase a child’s past, but your love, patience, and consistency help them build a future where they feel safe and cherished.
This Mother’s Day, we honour you. We honour the children who are bravely navigating their emotions. And we honour the resilience that allows love to grow even in the hardest of circumstances.
Happy Mother’s Day from Moon and Back Foster Care!
